Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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