...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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