If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and she was petting her beer can
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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