he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
