Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
