I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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