remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize