I'm really into asian looking animals
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
