i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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