she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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