I could make wine with my vomit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize