I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
