Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As shirtless as possible
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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