dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
