An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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