Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
