You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she told me i tasted like america
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
