I'm gonna have a badass scar
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
