The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
