Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
