They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
