you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
