I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
