i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
