Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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