I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
