"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
