Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
