Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm too high and old for this...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
