is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
