i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
