I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
