There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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