Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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