dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I intend to get homeless drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know her cup size but not her name....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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