ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
