it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
