Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so that wasnt chicken after all
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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