i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
