just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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