1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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