Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
