i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
