I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
