strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
