Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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