She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize