I'm really into asian looking animals
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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