I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize