How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
