Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
