I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need water and some morals
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
