Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
barbara walters just said penis...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
