Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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