I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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