are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think my vagina is haunted
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
