I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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