porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
