Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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