I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
