I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
50% drunk capacity currently
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
