she looked like the before picture.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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