I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize