There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
