I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
