at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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