All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
