i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
