Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My life is pants optional.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
