I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
