I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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