Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
