my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
