You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
