I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
