Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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