Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
