This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
