It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
