I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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