Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
