omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize
