A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
