His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
