I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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