Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
