Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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