The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
